An Year, passing me

I hear the fire crackers, the celebrations, the countdown and the excitement for the new year 2026. I hear and read people’s resolutions. Their posts, videos and everything around.

New year, has never settled well with me. It’s never that I am not grateful to ALLAH. Every year, as it comes to an end, a thought races my mind. All these years that I have lived, where do I stand in front my Rabb. All these years- that I had wasted, what good I had done in the past. Many people- the elderly, the youth and the children, passed away. Some due to health issues, some in accidents and some never woke up to a bright tomorrow, that they had planned before falling asleep.

I am grateful that Allah has blessed me with a guided (deen), healthy and capable life. But where do I stand, in utilising these blessings in the right manner? I am 28 and in shaa ALLAH hoping to live, with blessing of hidayah, health and aafiyah. Even if I subtract 12 years of my childhood. “16 years” is what I am accountable for, to Allah. What did I do of these “16 years”???. How many prayers have I missed, how many times I had chosen to do wrong, knowingly and unknowingly. How many times I did not repent. How many times was I not a good muslim. How many times I just scrolled my social media, doing nothing.

Each year (rough calculation), comes with 365 days. 16 years multiplied with 365 gives me 5,840 days. I cannot even guarantee myself, that I was an obedient muslim, a Muslim that pleased ALLAH, even for a day. When the day of judgment arrives, what am I going to answer for these 5,840 days.

Yes ALLAH is Ar-Rahmaan and Ar-Raheem. He is Al-Ghaffar. He is merciful and forgives. But ALLAH is also Al-Adl. He is just. If I were to be successful in my aqirah, in shaa ALLAH, indeed, it is because ALLAH chose to forgive me. But, he has all the rights to punish his creation too. And if ALLAH choses to punish me, (may allah forgive me aameen) he is just in his decision. I have wronged myself and nobodyelse.

Another year ahead, but I do not want to carry the old me and live the rest of my life, mindlessly. New year, has never and will never settle well within me. It’s not a celebration but a reality check of, a number of years have passed away, mindlessly, and how less of time we all have left. I hope every day, I become a better me, In deen and in duniya (in shaa ALLAH).